For Always Read online

  The whole upstairs had once just been three bedrooms: my brothers', sisters', and mine. It was nice, comfortable back then, but I liked the way Nellie had redone it a whole lot better. I'd loved to have been able to take a shower or use the bathroom inside, especially when it was rainin', or worse, snowin'. Half the time I just peed out my window. If Pa would've caught me, I'd have got a whoopin' for sure. But it was a bit scary havin' to go use the outhouse, not knowing if some animal or snake was gonna be lurkin' in there with ya. I might play with 'em now, but I tried to steer clear of 'em when I was alive.

  I got up and looked on her dresser at her pictures that were scattered 'round and taped up here and there. Some were of Nellie and the ones she'd found of her mom and dad, but most were of her with her friends. One was of her friend, LeLe, who I'd seen on her camera. She was a pretty girl with mousey brown hair and dark eyes, but plain compared to Malyn.

  I sat down on her bed again, wonderin' what I should do. How was I gonna approach her when she got home? I'd say she's mad, probably hurt, maybe confused, and I had no idea how to fix it. Girls were always complicated, but never like this. Maybe she'll start courtin' some boy in town and forget about me. It would hurt, but as long as I'm the one hurtin' and not her, I'd live with it.

  I don't know how long I waited in Malyn's room. Time seems to blur sometimes, so it was hard to keep track of it. But I finally heard Nellie come in, so I got up and headed downstairs to find her. Every time I came down the stairs now it felt like I was in somebody else's house instead of the one I grew up in. I liked how she had removed some walls to open it up, but I missed the fireplace. We did a lot of things 'round that thing and I hated to see it go. But I guess just like the tree Pa cut down, everything can't always stay the same forever, no matter how much ya wish it could. I walked past where the fireplace once stood and found Nellie sittin' on the back porch readin' the newspaper and drinkin' coffee. The chair next to her was pulled out, so I sat down.

  "Hey, Beau. I hope you're doin' good."

  Nope. Sorry. Not today. I wish I could talk to her somehow. Maybe she could help me. Help me figure out what to do—or get me outta here. She was still holdin' her paper, so I reached up and lightly tapped it.

  She jumped before lowerin' her paper and lookin' over her glasses in my direction. "Do ya need somethin'?"

  I reached out and put my hand in hers. Yes.

  She put her paper down. "Is somethin' wrong?"

  I touched her hand again.

  “Well, I don't know if I can help, but I'll sure try." She sat her coffee and paper aside and put her hands on the table, palm up, like she'd done before. "Okay, I want to try somethin'. Put your hands in mine and leave 'em this time." When I did, she shivered, but continued. "Now, focus on what you need help with. Try to gather all your emotions and send 'em to me."

  I had no idea how to do that, but I'd try. I put my hands in hers and shut my eyes so I could focus. I could feel Nellie's energy. This is so weird. I tried to concentrate, sendin' her all that I could—feelin's of loneliness, desperation, the longin' I had to be who I used to be. I sent her my frustration of bein' here, livin' a life I couldn't actually live cause I was dead.

  Why am I still here? How can I leave? Am I stuck here for eternity? I can't go on like this! But I can't kill myself, either, ‘cause I'm already dead!

  She suddenly sat back and opened her eyes, lookin' at her hands as she rubbed them together. "I think I understand, but I'm gonna run it by ya first to make sure." She sat forward and propped her elbows on the table, still rubbin' her hands. "Ya don't wanna be here…like this…but ya can't do anything 'bout it. Ya feel trapped and are afraid it's gonna be like this forever. Ya wanna be yourself again, not a ghost of yourself."

  Exactly. Thank goodness I wasn't totally alone in this anymore. She understood me and my frustrations.

  "And you're in love with Malyn."

  I sat back, grippin' the arms of my chair. I'm what?

  "This is becomin' more complicated than what I thought."

  I'm not in love with her. I just like her…a whole lot. And think 'bout her all the time. And want to kiss her. And feel selfless and helpless when I'm with her; and lost without her. Oh, for the love of all that's holy. I was in love with Malyn.

  "Does Malyn know how ya feel?" Nellie asked, even though I hadn't acknowledged what she'd said.

  How could she know? I didn't know, myself, 'til just now.

  "Well, when it comes to ya bein' stuck here, I don't know what to tell ya. I do know someone I can talk to who kinda specializes in this sorta thing. I can call 'em if ya want me to."

  I touched her hand. The thought of leavin' them causes me pain, but bein' stuck here like this forever would be much worse. I'd try anything to get outta this hell I was livin' in.

  "And as for Malyn…just don't hurt her." She said it with sadness in her voice, but also a hint of authority.

  I put my hand in hers and tried to send her a very strong message. She needed to know where I stood on that matter. Never. I'd never hurt Malyn. Not if I could keep from it.

  "I know ya wouldn't do it on purpose. But I know she likes you, too. And it's hard for her ‘cause ya look so normal—like any other boy." She paused and took a breath before she finished. "Just try not to let her get too close to ya. That may be best for now…for all involved."

  That's easier said than done. How was I gonna keep her away from me when I didn't know if I could stay away from her myself?

  I spent the rest of the day down by the river. I wasn't gonna worry 'bout this mess no more. It obviously wasn't gettin' me nowhere. I'd let Nellie get ahold of whoever she knew and we'd go from there. I was just startin' to somewhat relax and unwind when I heard someone pull up the driveway. It was Malyn…in that big, black truck.

  Chapter 9

  WISHES

  Malyn

  "Do you want to come in?" I asked Jace, hoping he would say no. I didn't think Beau would bother us, especially after last night. But with Beau, anything was possible.

  "Sure," he replied eagerly as he turned his truck off. "Now, if you'd have asked me the other night"—he shivered and shook his head—“I may have passed.”

  "Who knew you were such a wuss," I teased him.

  When we went into the house, Grandmama was sitting at the bar going through mail and paying bills. She looked up as we entered and said, "Well, hey, you two." She seemed a little nervous, and I knew why—Beau was sitting in the living room looking at us.

  When I looked at him, he smiled his mischievous smile, which made me even more nervous. I quickly looked back at Grandmama and said, "Hey, what have you been into today?"

  "Not too much, just piddlin'. Thanks for bringin' her home, Jace."

  "My pleasure, Nellie."

  "I'm sure it was," Beau chimed in from across the room.

  I gave him a stern look, shooting daggers that I hope he felt. "You want to see the rest of the spooky house?" I asked, turning my attention back to Jace.

  "Sure."

  "Well, I hope you ain't too disappointed, Jace, ‘cause it ain't spooky here at all. We only have one ghost, but he's usually friendly," she said, laughing at herself.

  I made a mental note to kill her later.

  "I'll show you outside first. That's the scariest part—snakes." We headed toward the back door and I pointed down the hall. "That's the parlor down that way. The bathroom's right there, if you need to use it." He followed me out onto the back porch. It was nothing like his back yard, but I liked it.

  "This is really nice"—he laughed—"during the day."

  I smacked him, laughing. "Now you can tell all your friends that you got to go in the haunted house of Dandridge."

  I sat on the hammock, not lying down, afraid I would end up on the ground. Jace sat down beside me, making me roll into him. I wondered if Beau was watching us.

  Jace interrupted the silence that was lingering between us. "Mom said you did a good job today. She really likes you." />
  "Good. I was so nervous this morning that I thought I was gonna puke."

  "Why? It's not that bad. Or at least I don't think it is. Did you like it okay?" He seemed concerned as to whether I was planning on going back.

  "Yeah, it was actually fun, especially working with Beth," I admitted. "I just didn't sleep good last night." I sighed, thinking of how my night had ended.

  "Yeah, I'm sure Beth kept you entertained," he laughed. "She’s crazy."

  I laughed at his brotherly assertion. "No, she's not."

  "She is, too. But she'll be a good one to train with. She's actually pretty smart and soaks up information like a sponge."

  "I noticed that. I was ringing someone out in the bait shop and she got the next person in line. She added their stuff up in her head, figured out change, and sent him on his way all while I was still working on the same person."

  "Yeah, she's like a human calculator."

  "You want to go see the upstairs? I have a pretty view from my room," I said nonchalantly so he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

  He stood up, almost flipping me onto the ground. "I don't know. Girls' rooms can be a little scary."

  I got up quickly so he wouldn't notice I almost bit the dust. "Oh, really? So do you venture into girls' rooms often?" He didn't seem to be the player type, but you never know.

  "Not when I can keep from it." He smiled, showing his straight, white teeth. Even though he had a perfect smile, it still didn't give me butterflies like Beau's did.

  I was standing there looking at him when he interrupted my thoughts of Beau. "You ready?" he asked, motioning toward the house.

  "Yeah." I turned to go back inside. "Are you thirsty or anything?"

  "No, I'm good. I may stop at the bathroom, though. That last tea is hitting me."

  As we walked into the house, Beau was still sitting in the living room. I tried not to look his way, thinking that ignoring him might be best. Jace went into the bathroom and I headed on upstairs.

  "Come on up when you come out!" I yelled at Jace through the door. I thought this would give me time to straighten my room up; make sure I didn't have any panties lying around, or anything else that might embarrass me. As I finished picking up a few things, I heard Jace coming up the stairs. I turned on the stereo so that we would have some background noise.

  "I think you may have an electrical problem," he said as he walked into my room. "The bathroom light kept going off and on while I was in there."

  Yeah, I'd say we had an electrical problem—Beau. "I'll let Grandmama know. We don't use that bathroom much."

  He went to my window and looked out. "Dang, you do have a nice view."

  "It still probably ain't as good as the one from your house. I'd love to live on the lake."

  "Yeah, it's nice, but this is, I don’t know, tranquil. It's relaxing here." He turned around, looking at me with that boyish grin. "Makes me want to take a nap." He walked past me and laid face down on my bed, looking like he really could go to sleep.

  "Well, go right ahead. Don't mind me," I said as I turned my back toward him, messing with my CDs.

  "You can take one with me," he said as he rolled over onto his back. "I'm sure you're tired after your big first day."

  The thought of lying in my bed with a live boy made my cheeks get warm; I hated blushing. "I'm sure Grandmama would like coming up here and finding us all snuggled up together in my bed." That thought made me warm all over. But then my mind went straight to Beau and what he would think. Uugh! It doesn't matter what he thinks.

  I went over and sat next to him. "When will we be working together?" He had been off today, so I didn't know his schedule.

  "I usually work Wednesday through Sunday, the busiest days. Sometimes I take off on Friday or Saturday night; go have some fun."

  "What do you do for fun?"

  "Take the boat out or go to Gatlinburg or Knoxville. Or just do whatever hits us." He looked at me as if he was contemplating something.

  "Who do you go with?"

  "Usually my best friend, Ty—Tyler Wolfe. He calls us the wolf pack. I'll introduce you to him. He's a nut."

  It made me miss LeLe. I hadn't been gone long, but I really missed her.

  My sad thoughts were cut off when he sat up, bringing his face close to mine. "Do you want to go out this weekend?" He seemed a little shy, but he never took his eyes off of mine. "We can go by ourselves, or I can get some friends to go and make it a group thing."

  I didn't have to think about it long. "Yeah, that sounds like fun. What do you want to do?"

  "It's up to you. I can get my mom to let us off one day and we can go out on the boat, if you want."

  I thought about us on a boat…with me in my bathing suit. I must have frowned.

  "Or we can go grab a bite to eat and go to the movies. Or I can show you around up in the mountains, town, wherever."

  I smiled at his attempt to please me. "Surprise me. Whatever you want to do. I just don't know about asking your mom to let me off work, especially with it being my first week."

  "My family is extremely laid back. She wouldn't care." He looked down at his watch. "I guess I need to go. I agreed to close the bait shop tonight so they could meet with a supplier." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me. "I jotted this down earlier at the restaurant, but forgot to give it to you."

  I looked down at the paper and saw it was his phone number. "What were you doing down there today, anyway? Do you always come in on your day off?"

  He smiled before he said, "Not usually." Now he was the one blushing.

  I got up and went to my desk, wrote my number down in a pink notepad, and tore it out. He had gotten up and was standing behind me when I turned around. I smiled and handed it to him. When he reached out to take it, I grabbed his fingers and held them. I liked Jace. Maybe not as much as Beau, but I was hoping that would change. I smiled up at him, still holding his fingers.

  "You can call or text me later if you get bored."

  He squeezed my fingers and said, "Oh, I'm sure I'll get bored." He smiled and let go, saying bye as he walked out my door.

  "Bye, Jace." I didn't walk him down because I knew Beau would make our goodbyes all awkward. I heard him tell Grandmama bye as he walked out. I was actually looking forward to hearing from him later.

  Beau walked in with a smug look on his face. "Well he was fun. Ya need to date somebody who ain't afraid of the dark. How old is he, anyway? Twelve?"

  "No, he's eighteen. And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't bother my guests." I sat down at my desk and turned my computer on.

  He stood beside me for a minute, and then sat down on the foot of my bed. "I'm sorry 'bout last night."

  "I was really hoping you wouldn't bring it up," I said truthfully.

  "Bring what up?" Grandmama was standing at my door. "Are ya okay?"

  "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" She kept looking at me all weird. I could tell she was scanning my room, sending out her ghostly tentacles. "What are ya doing?"

  "I think she's lookin' for me," Beau answered for her. "We had a talk today while ya were gone." Then he disappeared into my bed.

  She took a step in, then shrugged and said, "I'm goin' to the store. Is there anything ya need me to get?"

  "You want me to go with you?" I hated her going by herself.

  "No, ya worked all day, so ya can relax this evenin'. Go soak in the tub or somethin'."

  That sounded like a good idea. "Okay, let me write down a few things you can get for me." I used the same pink note pad and handed her my list.

  She stuck it in her pocket and headed out the door. "Call me if ya need me or think of something else ya want."

  "Okay, be careful."

  "Always am."

  I turned back to my computer, seeing if LeLe was online. I glanced over my shoulder ever so often to see if Beau was there, but he wasn't. I was getting real tired of his disappearing acts. When I knew Grandmama was gone, I yelled for him. I
wanted to know what they had talked about while I was gone. It took a few minutes, but he finally appeared at my door.

  "What's going on?" I demanded.

  "What are ya talkin' 'bout?"

  "Last night…you and Grandmama 'talking' while I was gone…you hiding from her; that's what I'm talking about."

  He sat on the foot of my bed again. "I'm havin' a hard time dealin' with bein' dead right now. I sat down with Nellie today, got her attention, she had me put my hands in hers, and then I let her know what was goin' on. She's gonna talk to one of her friends who she thinks can help me, but until then, she said I should stay away from ya." I could tell he didn't want to tell me what he had just told me. "I had planned on doin' just that"—he looked down at his hands before looking back at me—"but I don't think I can."

  My heart leaped in my chest.

  "That's why I left. I didn't want her knowin' I was in here. I'm not sure how close she has to be to me to know I'm here." He looked at me like he was waiting for me to say something.

  I took a deep breath, being caught by surprise by what he said. I guess I needed to get something off my chest, too. "I'm sorry about last night and what I said. I was out of line. I guess I was just tired and my emotions got the best of me." I hoped this would clear the air and that we could go back to normal; as normal as we could be.

  "Don't apologize, Malyn, it's my fault." He had more to say, but didn't. I could tell something was bothering him. "Maybe I should listen to Nellie," he added, shaking his head like he was disagreeing with himself.

  "And what? Stay hid out in a field somewhere all the time?" This was getting ridiculous. "That's what you'd have to do if you wanted to avoid me. I mean, we have to live together. You have no other choice. How can you stay away from me? Or me from you? And why would she ask you to do that?" Now that I thought about it, it made me mad. Why would she ask him to do something like that when this was his home, too?